Friday, 14 March 2014

Everything happens for a reason.

Friday nights, Saturday nights,
O how I used to look forward to those fights
'cause you'd build the cutest conversations,
and leading into more of a love affection.
I liked to be wrapped in your arms,
I felt warm and tight before the alarm
would wake me up to a better day.

What drives me through the day,
knowing that I'd see you when I least expect it,
and it would make me smile from the inner bit.
Catching butterflies or seeing you smile,
was worth it even if it takes a while…

Yet now that we could be the strangest strangers,
like two devices that just got restored,
I'd wish that they could just back up.
Or is it better off to leave as some empty accounts,
and that everything happened wouldn't count.
It feels awful, sick, and tiring --
in this battle that seems never-ending…

Come here and let me lose my mind,
pour out every thoughts after these wines,
but would you still be there?
Lift me up in the air,
like that roller coaster ride of sight
or is it too late to pick up another fight?

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Stuck in the middle.

You can never please everybody in life, and not everything goes the way you want it to be, so I always find myself stuck in the middle which I loathe. No matter it's between family, relationship,  friendship or your own self, it sucks to be stuck in the middle…

I find myself stuck in between my family, my parents are divorced and so I am stuck between my dad and my mum & brother. I do not think I can ever take sides, even though I am physically on my mum & brother side, and the fact that my dad seems nothing less like a stranger to me now. I guess being stuck in the middle is more of a frustration here, because the whole divorce has changed my brother and I tremendously, in terms of personality, the way we behave and our thoughts. I do agree that I grew to be more of a independent thinker, and as much as my friends think I am a baby, I feel like I am generally more mature than others that are the same age as me. I have not actually talked my brother into this topic, as we never really talked about the whole incidence, but I do reckon that he would feel the same way and seeing his changes, from being so lost in life to now a marketing director, I truly am proud of him.

In relationships, I have to say the stage between being more than friends and being real couples, is the worst pain haha. Partly because I am not really the person that take initiatives a lot, and I could be blind or drown sometimes that I don't get anything. It scares me sometimes, it does, and when I am scared or lost I tend to hide and escape from things. That is not really a good thing, is it? That is why I hate leaving things unfinished, being stuck in the question mark, in the shade…

Being stuck in friendships is genuinely not strange, you for instance have two very good friends but they don't get along, so you are stuck between them. How can you react when one is ranting on about the other? What do you do when you have to invite both of them to your birthday dinner? It is not easy to please people and that is not what I would do anyway, I am just saying it sucks. I guess what I usually do is to just listen and not care or get into their businesses, partly because I am not bothered to put effort into being all nosy, partly because I have no time and energy to have spare one more portion out of me lol

The most difficult and frustrating thing is being stuck in your own self, and I reckon that happens a lot especially to teenagers, when we think we know a lot but we actually don't, so we are stuck when something goes wrong. I am the same when it comes to over-thinking, which I am trying to work on doing less, but getting your mind all tangled up will only make things worse. I have had my past, doing stupid things, wasting time on stupid people, and so on. If I had a chance to turn that around, why would I not spend those times, reading good books, eating pizzas and dance in the rain?


♡ 18 and Legal ♡

After the pre-birthday post, surely there would be a birthday post, or it would be odd… So I turned 18 on 28 February, and surprisingly I had a oh-so-brilliant one!

As I mentioned on my last post, I didn't expect anything to happen and I was tired anyway, so I slept at about 11pm. Then at 7 in the morning, all my friends came to my room and sang me a birthday song, yep thats how I woke up, isn't it lovely. It sort of is a typical celebration at our school that we wake that person up with birthday songs or at 00:00, we all celebrate for one another thats probably because we are all far away from home and we all need some love lol

So then I went to breakfast with my roommate and friends (which I don't usually do), and had a normal school friday, except there are some greetings and stuff :) I went back to my room after lunch because my mum was looking for me, we had a chat over FaceTime and it was a bit emotional… I expected the call to be my mum greeting me Happy Birthday and some wishes thats all, but it turned out that she was at a business dinner with everybody from her company, and many other business partners, etc. The fact that they were all a bit drunk made it a whole lot funnier, seeing my mum and her staff trying to squeeze into one screen and sing birthday songs to me, yes songs, I meant like more or less 10 of them. I couldn't hold my tears while they were singing, so I attempted to distract myself by putting on the tiara and the birthday banner given by my friends, and showing it to my mum, which then made her cry… It was a nice FaceTime in a very long time since we usually end up quite badly every time we call, and that made me feel so loved.

As usual I was chilling in my room, surfing Internet and tok a nap because I knew that we were going out at night, which would require loads of energy. I started getting ready at around 5, took a shower, putting my dress on and some makeup of course. We all gathered at 7pm and head to the restaurant on high street, on my way there I literally walked like a penguin because my heels were so high that I felt embarrassed lol I had them since summer ball last year, and I have no idea how I could manage to dance in them for the whole night and even, ran in them (guess I just had some wine)… The restaurant was very high-end, the elegant atmosphere and it was just comfortable to be at. I got 2 bottles of champagne for everyone of us, and had a duck dish for dinner, it was amazingly delicious indeed. The highlight was when my roommate surprised me with a birthday cake, and I teared up when they sang the birthday song, I do think I have a problem there I just can't take birthday songs, they make me cry even if its not my birthday... After a some champagne and wine, walking in my heels was not much of a problem anymore, as we walked to Lava. We spent the rest of the night at Lava, it was full of people form my school and so we danced, had a couple more drinks, super.

I think it was a simple birthday yet I had much fun with all my friends, and love from my family, which is what its all about in life, friends and family. Right?