Friday, 29 August 2014

All of the stars

It's been such a long while since I have written anything, and positive, I have not been able to find motivation nor something excite me enough to be written about. I must be lying, if the one thousands and one reasons that made me so overwhelmed did not out me into the mood of writing something, so if I were to stop murmuring about this whole excuse, I would, be writing about my summer 2k14.

This is a typical thing, my summer has been so great. No it wasn't especially great I have to be honest to, myself. Do not perceive this as a negative and depressing post that you are reading, because, it isn't I must confess. Moving from a city that never goes up to 30 degrees Celsius to a city that never goes below that was an absolute nightmare, I cannot blame myself for not being able to have much fun. Do list my schedule that only consist of one and only associated with one thing, called dancing, would be ridiculous enough to make me wonder what else in this world have I done? No, I have only been dancing, everyday, literally.

Several competitions that I have came across, none of which was the results I wanted, pathetically. However I must say, I have witnessed improvements in my performances and that, made me happier than the results adjudicated. A new thing which happened in competitions made me so overwhelmed that I cry, mentally... One of the adjudicators who came to me and praise me with absolutely lovely comments? The door guy who approached to me as I was about to depart the venue and said I was outstanding? My dance teacher and friends who had faith in me winning from the very first second I walked on the dance floor? Wow I am spoiled with love, to have thought that people had me the sense of recognition, impressed indeed. Could I ever not overlook these every little thing, certainly not, it warms my tiny heart. Yes, I do like to think I have tiny heart. (Not the cliche big heart theory you are thinking about)


Friday, 18 April 2014

Rose petals.

 It must be cliché to say, to live in the moment, we ought to believe that the sun comes after the storm; do we really?

Every little giggle, every little raindrop, you were like the grey sky that I live beneath. It is sunny, yet, stormy because the roses are the greatest nothingness. While I wish the petals would be the confetti, showering me con su alma de amorío.

So now, the oh so many times I reach out, I wish beneath this unrealistic world of our own, thee will be there, para mí.

 Chilly morning, a breeze of springiness and perhaps  a walk of shame there, too. Remind me how many roses, lay between our distance that not many dreams out of imagination could relate? Seven days, thirty-five days, this cappuccino will be drained; the webs of the dreamcatcher will be torn apart; and the tornado will come and sweep away, the ups, the downs, the nothingness.

Never do I wish time to pass, or wish it was never passing drop by drop, dilemma of an empty coffee cup - an insecure youngster.

Dive into this magical imaginative world, what comes after, is the dream that you never knew you had. Just keep breathing, this warmth and comfort that you created, for the best of our lives. Heaven doesn't seem so far away, if you go, till the end of this chapter after another…
When the lights go around, we'll be safe and sound to hold onto, a dream.
In this jungle I have lost, you, slowly begging the green light of greatness,
to bring back; all that I had.

Smile because of appreciation
Giggle because life happens
Dream because of surprises
Believe because you got to 
Love because of the presence

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Vision. Perception. Intellection.

Have you ever felt lost, after achieving a certain things that you never thought you would in life? There's no doubt that you would have a splash of joy when you first achieved that, the sense of achievement and accomplishing something you have always wanted in life, or even making a dream that you never thought you had comes true. Dancing has always been the biggest part of my life, it is my passion and fire that will never diminish. In the place I grew up - Hong Kong, it is every latin and ballroom dancer's dream to dance at Blackpool which is in England, probably because of the expenses of travelling as well as the opportunity given is very little. However, now that I am studying here in Oxford, I have acknowledged that there are many more opportunities and less of a 'Dream' to dance at Blackpool. I was first a little shocked about that, there are many more other opportunities than the Blackpool Dance Festival, such as the annual University circuit competitions and the ISTD finalist competitions. Before I went to my first competition in England - 23 Feb 2014, my coach told me that if I get into the final round then I would be qualified for the ISTD finalist competition at Blackpool in November. As I mentioned in one of my blog post before, I did it and got qualified for the gold star category.

Last Sunday - 6 April 2014, I went to another ISTD competition in Gillingham. This time I was competing in a higher category which is Awards, and I made it again! However, I was not as excited as I won last time and it almost felt like I have overachieved something that it made me feel lost. It is not that I was not grateful for things, but it started to lose meaning and value for me to win and get qualified. Also the fact that I am not sure if I will be here in November, makes me feel more lost of the meaning of achieving these goals. Or is it ought to be that I have jumped another hurdle in life, so that now I am approaching my next goal, a bigger one and so big that it scares me?

I truly believe that our vision and perspectives change as we experience more and more in life, in other words, when I get older I will be stronger or… wiser :) Recently I have some thoughts or finally understood that life is too short to worry, to worry about the future that we cannot even see. When it comes to us, not as perfect as we pictured and expected in our imagination, we get upset about it. Then we would procrastinate on things as we over think, which leads to us regretting on things that we didn't do, this is definitely not an ideal cycle for all human beings.

Do things now, follow your heart. It may sound cliché, but it really is true. Life does not always give you a second chance, even if it does, it will never be the same. And when you start to regret things that you didn't do, it will be too late, it will be leaving…

What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh...

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Fairy Dust

Spring break has just begun, April has just been around. The sun shines brighter than ever, the flowers rise and smile to the sun. For the first time in forever, I'm getting what I'm dreaming of… I went to a competition on Sunday, it was my second competition in England, and I got a champion trophy! It was a dream come true indeed, I was beyond grateful and right now am only more determined to work harder. It would be cliché to say that it was unexpected to have happened, but it really was surprising, since I have messed up a few parts in semi-final and final rounds that I was so frustrated with myself at that time. I was in tears and stamping my feet (in heels), because I couldn't accept the fact that I never unbalance for the hundreds of times that I have practised, yet I unbalanced in the final round. When they announce the result, it was a complete relief that I made it first and I couldn't be happier. I love what I do, and my passion for dancing will never diminish, which hopefully will lead me to success one day! 

We also celebrated our coach's birthday at the competition, it was spectacular that the panel paused the competition (or it was sort of a break), and the DJ played a birthday song for us to sing along while we gave the cake. Hopefully he liked the little celebration that we have prepared, although he said he is not a fan of massive celebrations or being at the centre of attention. I cannot thank him enough, for coaching me so well, it is not about how many titles he holds or whether he has a world ranking, but he genuinely is a great coach. I have never learned so much knowledge about dancing from other teachers I have had, and I have never had so many encouragements and supports from a coach. 

Now that I should be moving to working on the next goal, I am only more determined to word harder, because life is short to procrastinate on something you love and have so much passion towards. In the mean time, I have my first ever public exam next month, which is very nerve wrecking and stressful… It will definitely influence my future a lot, of what I will be doing at University or which path I am going to take, but I think everything happens for a reason and what comes around goes around!


Friday, 14 March 2014

Everything happens for a reason.

Friday nights, Saturday nights,
O how I used to look forward to those fights
'cause you'd build the cutest conversations,
and leading into more of a love affection.
I liked to be wrapped in your arms,
I felt warm and tight before the alarm
would wake me up to a better day.

What drives me through the day,
knowing that I'd see you when I least expect it,
and it would make me smile from the inner bit.
Catching butterflies or seeing you smile,
was worth it even if it takes a while…

Yet now that we could be the strangest strangers,
like two devices that just got restored,
I'd wish that they could just back up.
Or is it better off to leave as some empty accounts,
and that everything happened wouldn't count.
It feels awful, sick, and tiring --
in this battle that seems never-ending…

Come here and let me lose my mind,
pour out every thoughts after these wines,
but would you still be there?
Lift me up in the air,
like that roller coaster ride of sight
or is it too late to pick up another fight?

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Stuck in the middle.

You can never please everybody in life, and not everything goes the way you want it to be, so I always find myself stuck in the middle which I loathe. No matter it's between family, relationship,  friendship or your own self, it sucks to be stuck in the middle…

I find myself stuck in between my family, my parents are divorced and so I am stuck between my dad and my mum & brother. I do not think I can ever take sides, even though I am physically on my mum & brother side, and the fact that my dad seems nothing less like a stranger to me now. I guess being stuck in the middle is more of a frustration here, because the whole divorce has changed my brother and I tremendously, in terms of personality, the way we behave and our thoughts. I do agree that I grew to be more of a independent thinker, and as much as my friends think I am a baby, I feel like I am generally more mature than others that are the same age as me. I have not actually talked my brother into this topic, as we never really talked about the whole incidence, but I do reckon that he would feel the same way and seeing his changes, from being so lost in life to now a marketing director, I truly am proud of him.

In relationships, I have to say the stage between being more than friends and being real couples, is the worst pain haha. Partly because I am not really the person that take initiatives a lot, and I could be blind or drown sometimes that I don't get anything. It scares me sometimes, it does, and when I am scared or lost I tend to hide and escape from things. That is not really a good thing, is it? That is why I hate leaving things unfinished, being stuck in the question mark, in the shade…

Being stuck in friendships is genuinely not strange, you for instance have two very good friends but they don't get along, so you are stuck between them. How can you react when one is ranting on about the other? What do you do when you have to invite both of them to your birthday dinner? It is not easy to please people and that is not what I would do anyway, I am just saying it sucks. I guess what I usually do is to just listen and not care or get into their businesses, partly because I am not bothered to put effort into being all nosy, partly because I have no time and energy to have spare one more portion out of me lol

The most difficult and frustrating thing is being stuck in your own self, and I reckon that happens a lot especially to teenagers, when we think we know a lot but we actually don't, so we are stuck when something goes wrong. I am the same when it comes to over-thinking, which I am trying to work on doing less, but getting your mind all tangled up will only make things worse. I have had my past, doing stupid things, wasting time on stupid people, and so on. If I had a chance to turn that around, why would I not spend those times, reading good books, eating pizzas and dance in the rain?


♡ 18 and Legal ♡

After the pre-birthday post, surely there would be a birthday post, or it would be odd… So I turned 18 on 28 February, and surprisingly I had a oh-so-brilliant one!

As I mentioned on my last post, I didn't expect anything to happen and I was tired anyway, so I slept at about 11pm. Then at 7 in the morning, all my friends came to my room and sang me a birthday song, yep thats how I woke up, isn't it lovely. It sort of is a typical celebration at our school that we wake that person up with birthday songs or at 00:00, we all celebrate for one another thats probably because we are all far away from home and we all need some love lol

So then I went to breakfast with my roommate and friends (which I don't usually do), and had a normal school friday, except there are some greetings and stuff :) I went back to my room after lunch because my mum was looking for me, we had a chat over FaceTime and it was a bit emotional… I expected the call to be my mum greeting me Happy Birthday and some wishes thats all, but it turned out that she was at a business dinner with everybody from her company, and many other business partners, etc. The fact that they were all a bit drunk made it a whole lot funnier, seeing my mum and her staff trying to squeeze into one screen and sing birthday songs to me, yes songs, I meant like more or less 10 of them. I couldn't hold my tears while they were singing, so I attempted to distract myself by putting on the tiara and the birthday banner given by my friends, and showing it to my mum, which then made her cry… It was a nice FaceTime in a very long time since we usually end up quite badly every time we call, and that made me feel so loved.

As usual I was chilling in my room, surfing Internet and tok a nap because I knew that we were going out at night, which would require loads of energy. I started getting ready at around 5, took a shower, putting my dress on and some makeup of course. We all gathered at 7pm and head to the restaurant on high street, on my way there I literally walked like a penguin because my heels were so high that I felt embarrassed lol I had them since summer ball last year, and I have no idea how I could manage to dance in them for the whole night and even, ran in them (guess I just had some wine)… The restaurant was very high-end, the elegant atmosphere and it was just comfortable to be at. I got 2 bottles of champagne for everyone of us, and had a duck dish for dinner, it was amazingly delicious indeed. The highlight was when my roommate surprised me with a birthday cake, and I teared up when they sang the birthday song, I do think I have a problem there I just can't take birthday songs, they make me cry even if its not my birthday... After a some champagne and wine, walking in my heels was not much of a problem anymore, as we walked to Lava. We spent the rest of the night at Lava, it was full of people form my school and so we danced, had a couple more drinks, super.

I think it was a simple birthday yet I had much fun with all my friends, and love from my family, which is what its all about in life, friends and family. Right?